The messed-up girl's prayer

My Lord, I beg Your pardon for ignoring You for so long. I didn't used to talk to You when I was happy. But now the night has fallen on my shiny days, I need Your help to recall a rising sun. I thought I was woken, but I'm tired. I thought I was healed, but I'm still bleeding. I thought I was hungry, but I'm saturated. I thought I wasn't alone, but I'm lonely I thought I was strong, but I'm torn. My heart has been kept, shattered and swept. Once. Then twice. And again. When will it be enough? I thought I could be funny, smart and pretty. I thought I could become a sexy hot blooded woman. I am just a child, afraid to grow, wiching for Christmas to arrive. I thought I could be loved by someone. I thought I could love anyone. If love is a gift, then I suppose I'm not endowed. Please. Drink this sea of bitterness in me. Fill in the emptiness with new dreams and the strength to go through these walls I've build around myself. I'll be patient if You stand by me. Amen.